Donald Trump Has Taken a Little Girl Hostage

About 3 years ago I wrote a satirical short story called Donald Trump Has Taken a Little Girl Hostage. Admittedly, it was a very dark story, and yet also – I thought – quite hopeful. I sent it to a couple adventurous literary websites but it was rejected. And I could almost feel the shivering alarm of the editors as they declined and deleted it.

It’s been sitting in my computer collecting digital dust ever since. But this morning, as I woke to AOC calling for Trump’s impeachment and imprisonment, I realized that in the aftermath of the assault on the Capitol perhaps my story was no longer beyond the pale. Perhaps it deserves an audience after all…

Donald Trump has taken a little girl hostage
that this phrase reads more like a headline in your newsfeed
than the darkly satirical short story title it is
surprised its author
as he sat
deep in thought
in an empty coffeeshop
pondering that time
Donald Trump took a little girl hostage

it was just like the title of this story
when it happened
an event that surprised no one
so insane as to be plausible

the President has taken a little girl hostage

sure, why not?

he’s barricaded himself in the Oval Office
with a shotgun to her head

sure, why not?
is this real?

fake news! false flag!
nobody knew for sure
not at first

tho most of us thought
it probably was real
the president probably did kidnap a little girl
and really was threatening to blow her brains out in the Oval Office
blaming her for destroying America
offering her up as a warning
and as payback
because “most of you stupid fucks haven’t been listening”
and because “nobody knows better than me what’s best for America.”

and as everyone later agreed
we mostly believed those first few tweets were real
because the president was so enjoying the hell out of it
and you could just tell it really was him
being his true self
straight up savaging this little girl
and totally loving it

but then when he started livestreaming
that took it to another level
then it was like the whole world was watching
the worst meltdown in history

and through it all
the little girl
stood quietly
barely moving
eyes seriously glazed
shoulders slightly akimbo
knock-kneed and brown-skinned in a light blue dress
seemingly stunned
the president of the united states
looming hugely behind her
smirking at his immense desk
legs spread
one hand on his shotgun
the other round her tiny waist
spewing vicious threats and twisted vanity
at the camera

and through it all
that little girl just stands there

what she sees
and what she feels
remains a mystery
but what she does
the course of history

because suddenly
the little girl lashes out
first her face scrunches up with fury
then she whips round and drives her tiny fingers
fiercely into the president’s eyes
scratching like a hellcat

never before has the entire world gasped as one
but at the moment we all gasp
and then we all scream
everyone in the entire world screams at the same time
as a moment later
the wailing president
his shotgun waving wildly
fires blindly at the little girl
and instantly
his own head off

it was

and it seemed in that moment
and its aftermath
it seemed to many of us
that the fate of the world hung in the balance

as the entire world waited to see what would happen next

the Oval Office was empty
except for the headless corpse
of the ex-President of the United States
and the blood-soaked little girl standing beside it
and the question that hung like a red, white and blue guillotine in the air was
how would the military industrial supremacist corporate criminal political complex
just outside the door
react to the shotgun death of their president
after a tussle with a person of colour
in the nation’s inner sanctum?

In other words, what would America do?

This was just days after they rescued those boys from that cave in Thailand
and it was as if someone
someone important outside that oval office door
amidst all that elite weaponry and testosterone and fear
someone felt a heartbeat of empathy and courage
emanating from that cave
reaching out from deep inside the earth

so that somehow
to the waiting world’s relief
when at last a door opened into the Oval Office
instead of a phalanx of murderous soldiers
a woman entered


composed and radiating compassion
she approached the little girl
knelt slowly
and gently wrapped her arms
around her



after that things changed pretty quickly
we had all seen the truth
all been witness to his perversity, cruelty and madness
there was nobody left to defend him
every mother felt his violations in her womb
every father knew he was a monster
a blathering will to power gone mad
his slogans poisoned forever
his nightmarish proclamations tainted forever
revealed for what they always were
naked hate and sadistic ego

and so with the world watching
in america and elsewhere
revulsion grew
and with it
new possibilities


A lot has happened in the past three months. Would you believe that a new political party has suddenly surged into existence? A grassroots social media party with millions of members and volunteers already? A party led by 16 year old Emma Gonzalez and by the Little Girl, a Presidential candidate who, it turns out, has a lot of other good ideas.

So yeah. An election is coming, the Republican party is in shambles, the Democrats are running Hilary again (lol) and The Little Girl is likely on her way back to the Oval Office at the head of the Global Peace Party For a Much, Much, Much Nicer and Fairer Planet.

This time though, things will be different for her.

And maybe for us.


So that’s it, thinks the author, emptying his bottomless coffee cup for the last time. His story’s over. The world is saved.

He closes his laptop, checks his phone and leaves. He’s got a meeting to get to.

He’s off to help a little girl.

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